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Have you ever moved into a new house, new flat, or new dorm room which looked like the one in the picture?  I have, several times in the past, and have always relished the ‘blank canvas’ that such a space seemed to me to represent.  Nothing was fixed, nothing already in place, and nothing already done.  I was free to place that chair there, and that cupboard there.  After I had been in the new place a while, that newness and ‘brand new start’ faded, though I enjoyed it while it lasted.


Sometimes clients come to Ashwood Therapy feeling that all is “done” and “finished”.  If they don’t particularly like the way it got done, perhaps because of their or another person’s actions, they may feel that there is no way ahead and no way forward.  That feeling can be quite persistent.  It has been my experience, both in my personal and professional life, that in some situations there is little that can be done to bring about a change in how things are.  Circumstances are sometimes fixed and out of our control, with there being little chance to alter the facts or how things might be in the future.


What is to be done, then, if events of the past have shaped our present in such a way that means reshaping seems impossible?  I would argue that acceptance is a positive first step.  Not fighting against what has happened, or has been done or said, yet not entirely despairing over things either.  Simply, in time, coming to see things as they are, in all their uncomfortable reality.  Once things are no longer resisted, remarkably often change is given an opportunity to rear its head.


You may have seen the following popular quotation on the Internet, perhaps on someone’s forum signature or posted as an image on social media.  There is debate over who actually said it, though for my purpose here that is irrelevant.  What matters, to me, is the truth it expresses:


“You can’t go back and make a new start, but you can start right now and make a brand-new ending”


Accepting how things are, even though that acceptance may bring pain and near despair, can be the first step towards looking forward and not solely backwards.  Things do and will move on, if we let them, and that often brings with it the chance to make sure we do not repeat the mistakes of the past, but go on to make the most of the time we have left.


Can you identify with some of what has been said in this blog post?  If you could release your claim over how things started, in order to more purposefully author things to the end, what would be your next move?  Once you have that figured out, perhaps it could be the start of your own ‘brand-new ending’.


Rob Oglesby MBACP (Accred) B.A. (Hons) BSc | Ashwood Therapy


Ashwood Therapy provides a discreet, confidential and professional online counselling service by encrypted video call, live instant messaging and secure email.  More details, including tips on wellbeing and information on current counselling session pricing, can be found at www.ashwoodtherapy.com


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A Brand-New Ending

A Brand New Ending | Ashwood Therapy Blog